Keeping it Real… The Halloween Edition

So, I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! Mine was… um… Meh…

I went back and forth about whether or not to share this on my blog, but finally thought, “What the hell.” Everyone who knows me, knows I’m a dingbat anyway, and if you don’t know me… Welcome to my world. Actually… This one is a doozy, even for me. Once again, I’m just keeping it real.

I’ve been on a No carb/Low carb eating plan since January 1st, and I’ve been doing pretty darn good. I’m not prepared to say how much weight I’ve lost yet, but it’s a ton! I’ve had my share of cheats along the way, but they really haven’t been a major problem. Nothing I couldn’t, or haven’t recovered from.

The night before Halloween, I was getting everything ready for the holiday and absolutely. could. not. resist the compulsion to have some candy. I can normally control myself, but in this instance, I don’t know what came over me. Uggh! After my first binge, I texted my sister looking for some support…

Halloween Binge Confession

Her response…

Halloween Binge Confession

It wasn’t exactly the response I was looking for. I should’ve texted my trainer instead.

Shut your fat yapper!

Sigh… Lesson learned.

I probably ate three to four times that amount of candy over the rest of the evening. I went to bed fat, bloated and feeling guilty. I swore up and down that I would just get back on track the following day. Ha! Who was I kidding?

My son had the kids over , and the day started out good. That is, until we ordered pizza for them. I had pizza… And cinnamon bread sticks… (Blush)

Halloween

But, even that wasn’t sooo bad. Until…

Halloween

The kids left about 6:30 to meet up with the other half of their posse. They were going out on the town for a night of Halloween shenanigans. They left behind uneaten Doritos and chips, and of course, candy. All it took was a split second for the insanity to take over. I was a crazy lady. It was like I was possessed. Again, I don’t know what came over me. I ate and ate.

EAT ALL THE THINGS!

After that brief but sickening episode of gluttony, I told my husband to get me out of the house before I exploded. We went for a walk to see the Halloween decorations and trick-or-treaters.

TRICK OR TREAT!

Because we live in a townhouse, we usually don’t get trick-or-treaters, and it kills me. I hate missing out on the festivities.

The house below is so much fun. I’m in love with how they did the pumpkin tree!

Outside Halloween Decorations

Outside Halloween Decorations

Outside Halloween Decorations

Outside Halloween Decorations

Anywho… When we got home from our walk, I got everything ready for the boys to come back from their night of shamelessness. They were all sleeping over. I set out more snacks, desserts and drinks, and went upstairs to watch tv.

I fell asleep, but woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink. I go downstairs and spy the rest of the uneaten cookies sitting on the counter. You know the ones they sell at Target? The soft, cake like, iced sugar cookies?

I can relate, my friend.

Yeah, I had more than a few, and then went back to bed.

Gubler and I woke up super early in the morning. It was about three or four o’clock.

GOOD MORNING!

MOMMY WUBS YOU!

WTF!

I jumped up and frantically woke my husband. “Honey, wake up! Gubler peed all over the bed!”

If you were a horse, you would have died!

The bed was soaked, I was soaked. Fortunately my husband was spared.

My husband started stripping the bed, and I went into the bathroom, to get ready to jump into the shower. My husband knocks on the bathroom door. “Honey… Honey… I’m not sure that Gubler was the one who wet the bed. It’s not in the right spot and it just doesn’t seem like a Gubler accident.”

Huh?

“Are you saying that I wet the bed? I didn’t wet the bed… You’re crazy!”

As I start taking my clothes off, it becomes apparent that my husband was right. Gubler didn’t wet the bed. It was me! What the f*@k! I didn’t even have one of those dreams where you catch yourself peeing and wake up in a panic. What the hell happened?

Well… It seems to have been a reaction to my binge. I had consumed so much carbs, sugar and caffeine, that it must have sent my blood sugar spiraling out of control, or something like that. And as a result, I wet the bed. What else could it be? How freakin’ embarrassing. I was devastated. It’s a good thing that my husband is such an awesome guy. He tried so hard to make me feel better.

But wait… It gets worse.

I didn’t have a rubber mattress cover on my bed that night, so I couldn’t just remake it and go back to sleep. We had to clean the mattress and let it dry. I can picture my mother, shaking her finger at me from Heaven, saying “I told you so.”

The Scene of the Crime

Because the kids were sleeping over, we had nowhere to go. They were in my son’s room, and in the living room, and in the computer room.

My husband went downstairs and brought up a dog bed. For real… That’s where we slept.

Don't even try to tell me that you've never fallen asleep on your dog's bed.

When I got up in the morning, I was super stiff and sore from sleeping half-on the dog bed, and half-on the floor. I could barely move. I thought, if I could just crack my back, I would feel a little better. So I cracked my back. Big Mistake. Murphy and I are on a first name basis, so of course, I threw my back out completely. Why me God? Why is it always me? All I did was crack my back. Am I that much of an idiot? Don’t answer that.

Other folks cheat on their diet and gain five pounds. No biggie. But when I cheat on my diet…  I gain five pounds, wet the bed and throw my back out.

You can’t make that shit up.

#KILL ME NOW

I had to stay home from work for a day and 1/2 and cancel my workouts for the week. Just when I needed them the most.

Needless to say, I won’t be cheating anytime soon. It’s just not worth it.

Karen

Even the pumpkins are laughing at me. Fu@kers!

FU@&ERS!

5 Comments

  1. November 13, 2015 / 12:37 PM

    OMG!! How funny and BRAVE for sharing!!! We all deserve a little binge once in awhile. And you look soooo good in Vegas. You should be so proud of yourself. You have done an AMAZING JOB!!!! Love and miss you!!!

    • Karen
      November 18, 2015 / 10:33 PM

      Thank you! Love and miss you too!

    • Karen
      December 9, 2015 / 10:45 PM

      Thanks! The Struggle is Real. Too real! Love and miss you too!

  2. Liz
    November 6, 2015 / 6:14 PM

    Laugh out loud HILARIOUS!! I think it’s a great story and you’re awesome for sharing. I can totally relate to the candy binge. Sounds like a crazy little detour from all your hard work.

    Hope you’ve fully recovered!
    Liz

    P.S. Your husband is a real sweetie. Too cute about the dog bed.

    • Karen
      November 7, 2015 / 3:34 AM

      Thanks Liz! I’m not fully recovered yet, but almost. I’m glad you can relate 🙂 The struggle is real, lol! Have an awesome weekend!
      Karen

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